life update

the lord said to Moses "come up to me on the mountain and stay here." exodus 24:12

why do i have such a hard time with the staying part? i can get up the mountain just fine, but it's the staying put that i find to be difficult. watching rob bells' everything is spiritual this week made me think and one of the points he made was how the whole time we are climbing any mountain in our lives and even once we reach the summit, our thoughts are consumed with scheming of how we will get down the mountain. because of this, we rarely just sit and enjoy where we are. living in the present is something that is rarely practiced, but something that i so desperately desire. i want to cherish every moment of life, especially how it's going right now.

words cannot express how full life is right now. and that's not a bad thing. i feel like i am beginning to see what jesus meant in john 10:10 when he said that he came so that we might have life and have it to the fullest. sure, life is busy, but when is it not? will there ever be a time when it isn't? i think i'd be fooling myself to say it's going to slow down any time soon.

classes- cannot believe i only have two quarters left. winter quarter's going to be tough, but i'll get through it and then hopefully can actually enjoy spring quarter when the desire to do homework has disappeared completely. still have no idea where i'll end up after that graduation day sometime in june. probably won't even go to the ceremony. who wants to dress up in that silly gown anyway and stand awkwardly with hundreds of other people i don't know? not i. applied to be a tutor at the tutoring center on campus. have my interview on the 5th, so hopefully i can charm my way into that position and use my spanish skills...

work- cannot believe it's been more than three months at the hotel. although my tasks in my job don't seem like anything important, and actually are quite mundane, i can find reason to be joyful nearly every day there. the relationships that are developing have been such a blessing, especially with my hispanic coworkers. i am one of the few that actually speaks spanish. i have loved getting to know the mexicans that are there working so incredibly hard every day as housekeepers, engineers, in the laundry room... but at the same time, it breaks my heart to see how hard they work and how unappreciated they are. they are living hard lives. most have the majority of their family still in mexico and they are sending money to them so that they might live. i really wish i could do something to have an impact on the whole immigration thing here in the states. but where would i even begin? volunteering at immigration counseling service this past quarter really opened up my eyes to the whole realm of immigration that had previously been hidden to me. seeing the years it takes to become a citizen and the frustrations and roadblocks one faces frustrate me. but what a unique opportunity to help out there, translating documents, making calls, and talking to clients. it gave me a little taste of the jobs that are out there that might make use of my spanish...

house- as of the coming sunday, there will be 6 of us girls living here. it is crazy how God brought each one of the girls in completely different circumstances. i am learning so much about what it's like to live with other people and how much messiness drives me bonkers. it's hard with each of us doing our own thing. i don't feel like i'm around very much (which is my own choice) and as a result, we are missing out on the opportunity to build strong friendships and truly challenge/disciple each other as had originally been the intent. i think that there is a lot to be learned from simply living life together and seeing each other in every moment, whether you just woke up, had to take a hard phone call or are joyfully dancing around in the living room. life is meant to be shared! i still cannot believe how blessed we are with the house. i do not want to leave.

church/college group- such an answered prayer. i finally have found that community here in portland that i was so desperately searching for. i haven't had this since life in bellingham. all those lonely moments in vancouver with my family have been replaced by new friends and adventures. i am so blessed by being in relationship with other believers who encourage and challenge me and also allow me the chance to encourage them. God is giving me so many friendships with girls and guys that He obviously initiated and wants to sustain. i do feel it on my heart the desire for deeper fellowship with the girls of the group and don't know how that will look. i would like to even get some sort of small group going, but i feel my own insecurities holding me back. then i am reminded that it is not of anything that i will do, but solely allowing God to work through me. how many times did i experience that in my two summers at camp? countless...

novio- after me being so impatient, it finally happened. a boyfriend for kat. his name's luke and what a blessing. every moment i spend with him and the more unreal he seems. i didn't know that guys like this actually existed. and it's funny because everyone always says that as soon as you stop looking, love will find you. i never believed that and thought it was a bunch of pish posh... and lo and behold. summer's over, i'm still caught up with a guy from camp that is realistically going nowhwere. i decide that i'll just be single and enjoy senior year, focusing on school and everything else. then, out of nowhere, luke shows up. and my plans change... drastically. i'm in love with his family and am going to montana next week to hang with the abuelitos. should be a relaxing trip. i think for the first time EVER, i just might be falling in love. and how wonderful it is...

family- erin's coming in a week with the kids and husband. she'll be here for a few months apparently. i cannot wait. i just hope i can get over there to see them and spend time with them. the house in vancouver should be even more chaotic than it already is.

summer? i'm thinking camp for the last time and if i do go back, it will definitely be senior SWAT. i can feel God preparing me for it now with my job and the humbling work i have to do there, like taking out trash and cleaning bathrooms (sound familiar? that sounds like typical SWAT work if i've ever heard any...). but more importantly, the relationships with girls that God is developing and the opportunities to invest in their lives. this mirrors the discipleship that would happen with SWAT girls over the summer. who knows? this plan could completely change, but as of now, that's kind of what i'm thinking.

and then comes september and freedom... as much as i've got the urge for going and would love to ditch town with my backpack and boy by my side to south america for a few months, i cannot justify being that selfish and abandoning all that is here for me. the friends, community, church, luke, family, house, job... there is so much happening here and i think God's just getting started. i'm not ready to leave that just yet. portland is wonderful and i wouldn't mind being around for a while. maybe we can keep the lease going and i can just stay w/ new roommies? solo Dios sabe...

here's to 2009. it's going to be a good one, i can just feel it.

christmas with luke and his parents. don't mind matt...

NOwhere or nowHERE...

"me and my buddy are just trying to get somewhere."

this overheard from an intoxicated man asking my brother for spare change last night in downtown vancouver got me thinking. aren't we all just trying to get somewhere? make something of our life? do something that will live on long after we are gone? we are always trying to get somewhere, whether it's a physical place or rather more of a mental state or a certain place in our life. we are rarely content just staying where we are at.

this brings up the idea of arrival. how do we know we've arrived? how will we know when we've come into the life that was planned for us long ago? will it just hit us one day when we are completely happy and realize that we are doing what we were created to do? that all the pieces of our life finally fit together, all the life experiences finally add up and it all just clicks and we realize that this is what we were meant to do? do those moments of clarity ever actually happen?

entering my last year of college is equal parts exciting and terrifying. it's strange to think that after this year, i won't have any more homework to do, no more long hours spent in the library, textbooks to spend hundreds on, professors to meet, classmates to learn from and with. the idea of fall walking hand in hand with the start of a new school year will be no more. up to this point, school has always been the next logical step for me. after graduation in june, where will i go? what will i do? the question is already starting to come from curious and well-intentioned friends and family. oh you're studying spanish and latin american studies... what are you going to do with that?

i have no idea. is that ok? all i know is it's something that i'm passionate about and could stand studying for four years straight without getting sick of it. i know that there are somewhere between 300 and 400 MILLION people who speak Spanish in the world. being able to communicate with them will probably come in handy at some point in my life, either in the US or in some latin american country. why does this question intimidate me so much: if you could do anything with your life, regardless of money, education, or anything, what would you do? in my attempts to be a logical and realistic person, i feel like i've lost my ability to dream. i've squashed my own dreams before they've even had a chance to blossom.

why am i so lonely? want to know what i did today? i picked blackberries, made a cobbler, and went for a hike in the gorge. that's completely normal, right? it was great, no doubt about that. but is it so much to ask for someone to share those adventures and life with? someone, someday will accept me and appreciate me for all my idiosyncracies. i guess all i can do is wait until life brings us together. any time soon would be great... patience never was one of my strengths.

view from angel's rest in the gorge. breathtaking.

oh yes, i'm moving on october 1st to portland. 39th and laurelhurst place. four blocks from laurelhurst park. here's my new house. i cannot wait to live in portland. to be out of my parent's house. and to get to know my roommates. and to explore. and grocery shop. and ride my bike around. and to go to imago dei. and not have an hour commute to school. it will be good. now all i need is a job. i'm still praying that rose's at lloyd center works out. should know by next week. fingers crossed.

summer's in full swing...

wow. so i'm at home and yet, this place doesn't feel like home at all. tensions abound and all the stress that i've conveniently put out of my mind came rushing back within five minutes of pulling into vancouver. this weekend, i got to come home and visit the familia and it was the first time we've all been together in a year and a half. it's amazing to me how much has changed in that time period. how we've all grown closer together, but much more separately. i guess it hit me that i'm actually growing up. i got to meet my neice emily anne for the first time, even though she's nearly 1 year old. i guess that's what her living in africa translates to. she is such a cutie and i cherished this weekend and being able to do normal aunt things with her like pushing her around in the stroller or playing peekaboo. i guess all i can do for now is try to thoroughly enjoy the time i do get to spend with her, as erin's not planning on moving home anytime soon, sadly.


oh yes and the other little munchkin in my life. patrick james. he's three and my how he's grown since the last time i saw him.

my sister's here and it's not been as awkard as i was thinking it would be. you know, when an older sister lives in another country, it's not exactly easy to have a normal sister relationship, especially when power is sporadic and you're both busy trying to live your own lives well. but those 8 years in between us always seem to be such a minute detail when we're actually together again and i am reminded of what a strong woman she is and why i always looked up to her so much growing up. seeing her as a mother still catches me off guard a little, but i can tell she puts her heart and soul into these two. oh yeah and everyone says we look exactly alike. i think she's beautiful, so i wouldn't mind looking like her, but you decide...

i'm off to lebanon again tomorrow for week three of camp tadmor and i'm antsy to get back to it. things are going well so far. i'm so thankful that i'm back there this summer and have never before felt so at peace with anything that i'm doing. i really feel like i am myself there and the woman who God created me to be. the theme is Tadrome and we're talking a lot about how the kingdom of God is colliding with the kingdom of the world and what is looks like to live life as a Christian caught in between those two. it's good stuff- tough, but life changing if it is understood. the staff is great this summer- i'm making so many new friends. it's been a little overwhelming constantly being around 60 other people, after living essentially without friends for the last 5 months, but it's so refreshing to live in community again. i'm a bit sick right now, so this week should be interesting- hopefully the sinuses clear up before i pull onto camp miraculously... here's mogli and me. bffs.

casi camp

three more weeks until i leave for camp. on june 10th, i'll be packing up and heading south to lebanon, OR for a summer of crazy adventures, challenges, and children. as much as i want to be there right now, i know i need to put it out of my mind a little bit and just focus hard on finishing up school and finishing up well. i'm so excited that mogli will be there again. i think that's one of the things i'm most excited for- strengthening old friendships and building new ones. all i know, please Lord, no boy distraction this summer... that was just ridiculous last year.

it's funny how through different life circumstances, we begin to realized different things about ourselves. things we like and want to keep around and things that we want to work to rid from our lives. something i'm beginning to realize about myself: my tendency to be bluntly honest 99.9% of the time. i guess it's not all bad- so many people like to just dance around the obvious. but perhaps, i should work on saying things with a little more tact.

i'm going to miss rose's this summer. but who knows maybe i'll be back there after camp? life post august 17th is all kind of up in the air. this sounds familiar. kind of like last year where i had no idea what i was doing and then ended up in nicaragua. who would have ever thought it? certainly not i. all i know is that the fall will bring the start of my last year of college. who knows where i'll be living? portland, vancouver? apartment, family's home, some random basement by hawthorne? i really have no idea. and am open to see what God's got planned.

here's to hoping the next three weeks fly by. kazam's about to be back in business. pray for campers that will come to camp tadmor this summer, especially those who will be in my cabin. pray for relationships among staff members. pray for a time of growth and movement by the Holy Spirit for everyone at camp.

a rather unproductive procrastination...

deuteronomy 32:12-12

"He was like an eagle hovering over its nest,
overshadowing its young,
Then spreading its wings, lifting them into the air,
teaching them to fly.
God alone led him."

it is evident that God is the only one leading me right now as i never in a million years could have predicted where i would be today... He is teaching me everyday how to fly and spread my wings so that i might accomplish the plans He has for me and my life.

never would i have thought that i would be living back with my parents in vancouver, and yet here i , sitting at the kitchen table. never would i have thought i would have started at WWU and not finished there, and alas, here i am at PSU. never would i have thought that i would ever take a break from school, and yet when i did and travelled to nicaragua, my whole worldview shifted in a mighty way.

each and every day, i am just amazed to see the changes that are occuring in my life. sure there are the obvious changes, like the fact i moved back into my high school room and go grocery shopping with my mom on the weekends and am working two jobs (at roses and ole ole), but more than that, are the not so obvious changes and the ways that God is shaping me. the way my personality is changing and my priorities are being molded to be more like those of my heavenly Father.

why is it that we view change as such an awful thing and so desperately cling to that which is familiar and known to us? God can not stretch me and grow me into the woman He wants me to become if i am stuck in a place where i am comfortable and have no need for Him in my life. He stirred things up in my life and although there are times when i am so downtrodden with a weary soul, i know deep down in my soul that this is all for the best. He may have shut that door, but all I can do is have faith that He's going to open a bigger and better one for me.. He will bring an opportunity to my life where I can excel and serve Him even better with all the skills, talents and passions He has placed in me. i for one know that i didn't just wake up one and choose to have a passion for spanish and those who speak it...

Never thought I would enjoy being here, but as strange as it is to say it, i'm quite content with where God has me right now. putting aside a few minor details.

looking ahead... midterms are over. 5 more weeks in the quarter and then i'm one year closer to being done, whatever that actually means. 36 more days until i leave for camp tadmor. i am looking forward to that with all my heart. i just wish i felt more prepared. or maybe it's a good thing to go not feeling completely prepared b/c that forces me to rely on God and His strength alone. kind of nervous about doing lost dogs instead of counseling. looking for housing in portland for the fall and next year b/c i'm tired of spending two hours of each day with the most sketchy people in portland on the max and bus (even though it is good practice to eavesdrop on all the people speaking spanish and it also is a good time to see just how badly people are hurting today and how much they need the love of Jesus). am i really ready to live in an apartment on my own? kind of nervous about that too. and sad about living by myself. but it will work... wanting to go back to nicaragua so badly, but just waiting for His perfect timing.

oh yes. back to that research paper i'm so good at procrastinating on...

life update...

wow. i cannot believe that i have already been home long enough to complete a whole quarter of school. that's almost three months that i have been back from nicaragua and back in vancouver. it's crazy because all of the things that i was worried about- God has taken care of them. he is so good to me. his word stands true yet again...

" do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear... who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? and do not set your hearts on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. for the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. BUT SEEK HIS KINDGDOM AND THESE THINGS WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU." luke 12:22-31

job- was hired within two weeks of being home at rose's restaurant/bakery. and just found out today that i'm being promoted from bakery girl to server. what a blessing. and then just last week, got another job downtown at a mexican restaurant a few hours a week.

school- finishing up quarter number 1 at PSU. i really am enjoying it and the diversity it brings. it is so different from WWU, namely in the student population. the average student is like 25 and has other things going on besides school. it's nice b/c most people actually want to be there rather than feeling like they have to be there. transferring there for good to finish up my spanish/latin american studies degree. if all goes well, i'll be ready for graduation spring 2009! yay!

friends- God has been bringing so many people into my life- new and old and how great that has been. i have been able to connect with some people who were big parts of my life before i left vancouver, but am also meeting some new folks in random ways. i think that has been one of the hardest parts about being here. in bellingham, i had my whole social network already all figured out and here, i am starting from square one again, but slowly but surely, it's working out.

church- i think this was one of the biggest concerns i had coming home as i feel kind of "churchless" when it comes to me and vancouver. the church i grew up going to just doesn't feel like that's where God would have me. so, i have been trying out some different ones and trying to get a feel for one where i can get more plugged in permanently and have it be my church. one really unexpected community has been found in "the way" on friday nights in portland. what a mindblowing gathering. like 1000 young people gather together for the sole purpose to worship jesus, when they could be out doing so many other things. that just encourages my soul. the Lord definitely is moving in that community and i have been touched the times that i have made the drive to go.

next quarter will be busy, as i'm taking 17 credits and working two jobs. but i'm excited about it. i'm commuting still, which is hard and time consuming, but definitely saves me a pretty penny and keeps my stress level much lower.

prayer requests:
- chances to witness to my co-workers many of whom are spanish speakers. what a great opportunity i have to practice talking about jesus in spanish! (and in English to my other co-workers)
- an opportunity has come up for me to potentially live in a house next year with other christians. a couple working with chi alpha campus ministries has a heart to start a communal house. there is a gorgeous 1900's victorian style house like two blocks from campus that is for sale. pray for money so that we can put the $200,000 down payment to secure the house if this is what God would have us do. what a great chance this would be for me and others to live alongside one another, and learn and encourage each other in our walks with the Lord.

back to the real world...

well, here i am back in the states where the showers are hot, the rain is falling, the fruit is not fresh and way overpriced, taxis are practically nonexistent, spanish is hard to find, and my house is surprisingly calm without my crazy 19 nicaraguan sisters running around, screaming and singing. let me tell you, i felt more overwhelmed in fred meyer than i did in the biggest market in central america... i am still in awe and overwhelmed thinking of all that happened over the last three months, but this verse comes to mind, when people ask how my time was:

"I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me." Romans 15:18

even though i can't see it all right now and might never be able to, i am convinced that the Lord had his way in and through me while i was down in nicaragua, through my relationships, interactions, and conversations with people that i met, worked with, and lived alongside.

my mom and i had a wonderful trip to costa rica, where we were able to celebrate christmas and the week after with volcanoes, tropical weather, exotic birds, pesky monkeys, active volcanoes (Poas and Arenal), waterfalls, dolphins, snorkeling, surfing lessons, ziplines, and hot springs. the country, even though it is the direct neighbor to nicaragua, couldn't have been any different. the ticos and nicas are obviously different, but manage to convey the same friendly, warm Central American feel. costa rica has figured out the whole tourism thing and are benefiting from it in a big way, while people in nicaragua are struggling to live just barely at the poverty line.

here are some pictures from our trip:

me attempting to surf the pacific!

enjoying a mai tai w/ my mom at the tabacon hot springs

a stunning monarch butterfly

the poas volcano

taking a dip in the hot springs of the arenal volcano

the oxcart factory in sarchi where they paint the colorful wheels

before our snorkeling adventure w/ our new friends

a white faced monkey

sunset our first night in costa rica

before the 12 cable zip line that we did!

and now that i'm back from my trip, real life calls. i will be living at home in vancouver w/ my family as i am attending 2 classes at Portland State University (PSU) about spanish lit and history of central america. i will be finding a job and hopefully volunteering in several places to fill my time. it will be quite the change from being at school in bellingham and definitely different from life the last few months, but i'm looking forward to being w/ my family and seeing what God's going to do! i have a feeling that 2008's going to be a good one...

a-dios nicaragua...

well, here i am. 48 hours before i leave this country and all that my time here has been. and just as it is near the end of any experience, it's bittersweet. on one hand, i am so excited to see my mom on monday and am looking forward so much to our fun adventure in costa rica, but at the same time, my heart is breaking in half thinking about leaving all these girls. as much as it feels like none of the girls will even notice my absence, i have to remind myself that's a lie i'm telling myself to discount my time here and any impact i might have had in the lives of the people down here. today, at least 5 girls have asked me when i'm leaving and the next question is always, when will you come back to see us? one girl told me that she doesn't want me to go (no quiero que te vayas...). even though it feels like i haven't "done much" with these girls in my time here, i am slowly starting to realize that just by being here and living with them for these almost three months is where my impact lies. it is the countless games of UNO, the conversations under the stars to pass time during power outages, and watching numerous Disney channel movies in Spanish (and let's just say that now i can sing all the songs from high school musical 2 sadly!). eating with the girls, taking some of them on my morning walks, and living with them. being there for the yelling, the tears, but also for the smiles, songs and laughs. these things might not seem much to anyone else, or even to me, but the relationships that i have established with the girls here are irreplaceable. they have taught me so much about teenage girls (and how tumultuous those years can truly be) and i have learned so much about what the absence or presence of love and affection can do in the life of a child. the lessons have been countless and i think i will be able to process them better once i get back to the states- as one friend told me, it's hard to get perspective on something while you're in it. and if nothing else, when i leave, i am sure that there will be no singing in the shower and no one will be jumping at the chance to make tortillas (those were my territory!)

i'm just praying that as i go back, i can see where God wants me to go next. where will i live and what will i do? vancouver, bellingham, somewhere completely different? work, classes, what? one thing is for sure- i have definitely been changed by my time here and i have no doubt that the people i love have also changed. i only hope we can understand each other and have the patience to hear about all the things that God has done in our physical absence.

this verse sticks out to me: "so please don't, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. hold the high ground with him at your side." 1 corinthians 7:24 (message)

taking this trip was a challenge from day one- trying to figure out where to go and what to do, but more than that, realizing that it was ok to break the mold from what everyone else was doing or telling me to do. and now, at the end of it, i'm still alive and perhaps better off than where i started. i just hope that i can continue to walk completely in HIM, following where He is calling me, no matter what the world thinks about it. i am His disciple and because of that, I am called to leave all behind me, whatever that might look like.

one more thing before i sign out. ever notice that the word ADIOS (spanish for goodbye) sounds an awful lot like A DIOS (spanish for to God)? to me, that has some significance because it's almost as if we are acknowledging God's existence and power in our lives everytime we say goodbye. almost as if we are reminding ourselves and others that to Him and to Him alone be the glory today and always. or perhaps, that's just me and my over thinking things because i have way too much time on my hands down here. but anywho, i think it's something good to think about (whether you agree or not). and with that, i say goodbye.

adios nicaragua y nos vemos. gracias por todo.

me and luz, making our christmas cookies last week...

it's beginning to look a little bit like Christmas

this is little meyling, our latest addition here at arms of love in nicaragua. she has a tendency of stealing the show...

so, i think my brain is confused because the calendar says that it's December 14th, the ads on tv are featuring people in Santa hats, and people are sending out warm wishes for a merry Christmas. and yet in the midst of all of this, here i am in a tropical climate, wearing my shorts instead of being bundled up in a hoody and rain boots. that just doesn't make sense to me. until last night, when we put up the christmas tree here in nicaragua. me and my "sisters" decorated the house, while listening to choruses of "feliz navidad". that's when it clicked that we are at t minus 11 days until Christmas. it's the first Christmas away from home, not to mention i won't even be in my home country, but at least my mom will be with me to celebrate (and by that time, we'll be enjoying Costa Rica!). and as hard as it is to be away from my friends and family and all the things that are comforting about this time of year- making cookies and turtles with my mom, reading all the Christmas letters, thinking about presents for loved ones, waking up to the lights of the tree dancing downstairs- perhaps it's a blessing in disguise, because it means that i will have a chance to actually remember why we have this extended break from school in the first place. as a follower of Christ, december 25th has special meaning for me, as it marks the day that Jesus Christ was born into this world, where He lived and ministered until the day He faced His death, nailed on a cross in between two criminals. and yet, even keeping this in mind, it's so easy to get caught up in all that the American culture has made the Christmas season. it hardly bears any resemblance to what it should, and is instead replaced with an insane commercialism that is as contagious as chicken pox in a preschool classroom. instead of focusing on the sacrifice Jesus made to come to a life on this Earth, the importance shifts to cookies, stockings, trees, gifts, parties, and things that have nothing to do with Christmas. although these things are fun and a great way to get together with friends and family, i hope and pray that as we draw closer to the 25th, you and i would take some time to remember the real reason for the season.

luz y vanessa help put together the tree

i'm trying to help valeska untangle the lights... without much luck!

finally we make it to the "add ornaments" stage of tree decoration!

some of the girls pose in front of the finished tree!

me with catherin carolina

mi casa es su casa

yesterday in the morning, i headed out to a little town called diriamba, about 45 km from managua where i had been invited to spend the day/night with one of the tutor mothers here at the home, noha. i made it without problems in the microbus and noha met me at the town clock tower. we went back to her house where i met her kids (moises, raquel and rosita) and her house. her house is like many that i have passed by here in nicaragua and never thought i'd have the chance to enter into. the tin roof, the bare walls, the rooms separated by particle board. and in the midst of all the nothingness, there is the prized television set, speaker system, and collection of DVDS and CDs. cracks me up. kind of like the fact that Nicaragua is an extremely poor country w/ half the population living under the poverty line and yet i'm sure like 87% have a cell phone. explain that to me. when i ask about it, they tell me it's because land lines are more expensive. i think it's more of an image thing- so that they can seem like they have more money than they actually do. it was a chance that i'm sure the majority of tourists never get. she wasn't joking when she told me she was poor. this is the bathroom of the house:

quite an experience... we made a traditional nica food for lunch called baho. it has beef, plantains, onions, tomatoes, yuca, and is covered w/ plantain leaves before it is set to cook for hours over the fire. here's the finished product- quite tasty i might add, but i've yet to find a food here that i don't like:

here's the kicker. while we were chatting in the morning, noha told me that her 14 year old daughter was pregnant. so, i went with them as they talked to the boys family and the lawyer. and as awkward as it was since i'm not part of the family, it reminded me that we are all human beings, no matter what country we were born in and at the core, we feel, cry, and bleed at the same things. a hug and a supportive smile can transcend all sorts of language barriers. later in the evening, i got a ride around diriamba in a "motoneta", a popular taxi in small towns of nicaragua. have you ever been on "mr. toad's wild ride" at disneyland? well, it felt like that as we were cruising the cobblestone streets and zooming down hills... oh yes, and then we stopped at a street vendor to buy some cotton candy (algodon en spanish). who taught nicaraguans how to make cotton candy? then, i jumped behind the steering wheel. they wouldn't let me drive, but it made for a great picture.

for dinner, we had another great nica food- carne asada and then we went to the central park which is apparently the hotspot of town. i chatted w/a girl my age named marginee and was once again reminded that we are all essentially the same, no matter what cultural differences we have. we both have been called flirts by friends, have arguments w/ our parents, and want to get out and see the world we live in. i'm still amazed that i have enough spanish to carry on a real conversation. we headed back to the "house" and it was time for bed. i was put up in the room of noha and her husband, who selflessly gave it up for the comfort of me- their guest. i'm not quite sure where they slept, most likely cozied up with their two little ones on the other side of the particle board, where a chorus of "buenas noches" echoed before i finally drifted off to sleep, only to be woken by the crowing roosters outside, announcing the start of a new day.

"esta casa es triste, no?" noha asked me, "isn't this house sad?" i responded by telling her that it was lovely. the people in the states put so much emphasis on their things and their house is their pride and joy. and here, where the houses aren't all that much to look at, the value and character come from the people living inside of them. if i were only to look at the outward appearance of a house here, sure, it wouldn't seem to be much, but because of the people living inside, these are some of the sweetest homes i've ever been in.

Down in the dumps... and not a bad thing.

i never believed that i would count a trip to a city dump as a blessing or as a highlight in a day, but the trip i took the La Chureca (the city dump in Managua) yesterday was by far the best part of the day. upon loading the car w/ "un monton de pollo" as they say here, we were off. after some driving through the confusing streets of managua, we had arrived. rounding a corner, we were in a whole new world. the paved roads were traded for dirt, the tiendas and houses for mounds and mounds of refuse from the city. in the midst of all this trash live people who make their living searching for treasures. recyclable goods are pulled out and pieces of iron are taken to be sold for a few centavos. this place where conditions are hardly fit for work, let alone life, hundreds of people have made this their home. the sheets of tin serve as walls and are decorated with cardboard from the neighboring piles of trash. dogs work right alongside the children, scavenging for food. i'm told girls often offer their bodies to the truck drivers (as it's the only thing they have to give) so that they and their families might get to go through the truck's contents first. how can i even begin to wrap my head around this type of existence? oh yes and then we pass the "billiard hall" of the neighborhood, where the pool tables can be spotted through cracks in the walls. many people have been offered a life outside of the La chureca, but most never leave and those who do, often return. for me, i can't imagine choosing to return to this type of life, especially when someone offers you something else. but people are constantly coming in to help and give things to the people living in la chureca, and when i consider this, i guess i can see a little bit of the twisted logic of why they stay.

finally, in the midst of the burning heaps of trash and shacks, we arrive at what appears to be a watering hole in the midst of a desert. at first, it appears to be a mirage, but El Colegio Esperanza is as real as can be with 350 students who come for class everyday. we unloaded all the food (for our end of classes celebration) and got right down to meeting the kids we came to love. in all shapes and sizes they stand before me- their knowing brown eyes full of despair. i have no idea where to go or what to do. i am overwhelmed by the amount of kids who are desperate for any ounce of attention i can give them.


i start chatting with some girls. i take some pictures. i am carrying a girl named maria on my back. i am poked and smiled at by children that walk by. i am singing worship songs in spanish with the band, clapping and waving my arms in the air. a girl wipes the sweat from my face and neck. another tries to rearrange my hairstyle, and i am trying not to think about where her hands have been or the probability that she has lice. a little boy wearing rubber boots, despite the heat, motions for my water bottle. upon giving it to him, the contents are gone within seconds. after quenching his physical thirst, how i long to offer him the living water of the Lord, as Jesus did to the woman at the well. girls run around in what were once treasured dresses of American girls, probably worn only on special occasions, but are now used as everyday attire.


these kids are eage to soak up any love that i can give them. and for one of the most memorable times in my life, i saw a glimpse of how jesus must view his children. these children were dirty- we were in the city dump for pete's sake, and yet their physical appearance did not change the fact that they need to hear about jesus and are loved so much by the God of the universe. there was nothing i could do but put aside my selfish and conditional love and try to be the hands and mouth of jesus to these kids. what a challenge, but blessing after realizing i had been used by the creator of the universe!

after some more worship songs and a mime drama about the Gospel, it was time for lunch. nearly 400 plates of rice, beans, cabbage salad, chicken, watermelon and tortilla we served with lemonade. and then it was time for cake after the pinatas. how need it was to feed their mouths and then their souls with the bread of life as new testaments were handed out to all.

after all was cleaned up, we headed out to leave. our newfound friends gathered for one last hug and goodbye. one girl who was trying to stow away in our van- i told her that she was beautiful and that God loves her. she nodded and i wondered if she'd ever been told that she was loved. these kids are eager to listen, but who will tell them of the Good News?

as we left the dump, everything was the same as when we came in. the only difference was that there was a sense of hope in the air. God is working amongst the people living in La chureca and thos who minister to them. what a joy it is to be a part of His work and know that when we are doing what He has for us, we can find blessing in the most unexpected places, even in the middle of a heap of trash...

Sábado = shopping day

All right, so Saturday morning rolls around and what else could that mean? It’s time to do the weekly shopping for the home! Mamerto, emilio’s personal assistant, comes to the house, and I ask if I can accompany him on his shopping trip. He obliges and we’re off. 2.50 córdobas and a ride on the bus later, and we’re there. We’ve arrived at Mercado Oriental where we will buy all the fresh fruits and veggies we need. we opted to steer clear of Mercado Roberto Huembes and for a good reason too. It’s the biggest market in all of central America, which means it’s filled with tourists and an equal number of guys ready to rob you.

Our first stop is the guy that sells batteries. But go figure, he’s out of the kind we need. so, he directs us to two plastic chairs and tells us to sit down in the shade. I chat it up with his daughter in Spanish while he runs off to another one of his vendor friends to buy the batteries from them. Before long, he’s back and his daughter is spouting off basic English phrases.

Next, it’s deep into the market we go. Now, if you’ve never been to an open air market, it is an experience that you must have once in your life. It’s one that I absolutely love and wouldn’t mind if I was stuck using this type of markets for the rest of my life. Everywhere you look, there is something new to look at. I wish I had some sweet pictures to share with you, but EVERYONE advised me against taking my camera at the risk of it being stolen (and besides, I’m not sure that pictures could do it justice), so I’m going to try my best to give you a glimpse into one of the mercados in Nicaragua with my words. But before I begin, I must tell you something. Sometimes, I think we are so caught up with being behind our cameras and taking pictures to remember our experiences when we get home that we don’t actually enjoy or experience what we’re doing in the moment. We see the world differently when we’re seeing it through our own two eyes, rather than behind a lens.

There is a new sight around every corner. Weaving between erratic taxis honking their horn just to let you know that they’re there, paying careful attention to your feet to make sure you aren’t at risk of losing a toe. Being vigilant of the carts hauling whatever goods or people need to be transported. Meat, cheese, fruits, vegetables, shampoo, dishes- whatever you could possibly be looking for, there is a good chance you can find it here. How’s that for one stop shopping? Fred Meyer has got some stiff competition!

Baskets and whatever other assorted containers are overflowing with a rainbow of the freshest looking produce I’ve ever seen. Chiltomas, pipians, yucca, chiote, tomates, papas, zanahorias, repollo. (those are all vegetable names in Spanish, by the way) I am definitely being introduced to vegetables i’ve never been exposed to in my life. The fruits are just beautiful, if fruit can be described as beautiful. Sure there are the normal pineapples, oranges, mandarins, and watermelon. But then you have the papayas that are bigger than your head and the exotic pithaya that looks like a fuschia cactus and is so delicious! Granadilla and other fruits that will eventually end up blended with sugar and sold in a plastic bag as just one of the many “refrescos” that are so common here.

Platanos (plantains) are everywhere I look. They are basically just an oversized banana and come in two kinds. The yellow ones, known as maduros, and the green ones, verdes are definitely the most common market item. They are cooked in many different ways, boiled, baked, fried, and are delicious in every form.

Cheese (definitely not your Tillamook cheddar, but rather a white salty slab that crumbles easily), meat (hanging from hooks in anything but sanitary conditions), and eggs are in abundance. None of which apparently ACTUALLY need to be refrigerated, or at least that’s what I’m told. We Americans have apparently just made up the fact that our food will go bad if it sits out for an hour or more. I’m still having a hard time believing it, but am just trying to go w/ it, because there’s not really much else I can do.

Orange peels littering the ground. Along with scraps of sugar cane and seeds from granadilla fruit. Mangy dogs scavenging for any scraps they can find. Children running around, most likely who know every nook and cranny of the market, after having to find ways to entertain themselves there while their parents work, selling their goods. The smells of fresh carne asada mingle with the trash that is haphazardly thrown in the drains and the ripe pineapple gives off its sweet aroma. “Que buscas mi amor? Cuanto vale esta? Muy barato. Con permiso.” The air is filled with the voices of people deep in conversation or trying to vy for the attention of their prospective buyers. Illegally copied movies sell for cheap, and the skeezy Nicaraguan rap music blasts from speakers, following versions of MC Hammer’s “Too Legit to Quit”. Men and women dozing off near their prized plantains. The guy with alcohol on his breath trying to carry your purchases, in hopes of earning a few pesos. Nothing is unimaginable at the market!

We stopped to buy a bottle of water and what I got was not my new, unopened bottle of Evian, but rather, a bottle from an orange soda that had been rinsed out, hopefully with a little bit of soap, and most likely filled with water from the sink. I love it. How’s that for quality control?

In the midst of all the insanity and hustle and bustle, there is one common thread. And that is a strong sense of camaraderie that is missing in the States. People greeting each other with a kiss on the cheek or strong handshake. Conversation shared over a cold fresco. Laughter and smiles are in abundance. Think about the Americans who go to the grocery store, thinking to themselves as they get out of the car, “man, I really hope I don’t run into anyone I know. I really don’t want to talk to anyone right now. I’m much too busy and I look terrible.” The Nica view of this is completely opposite. They anticipate and expect to see their closest friends and family at the market, and use the time there to catch up and strengthen friendships. This is really telling of how much they value relationships. And I am afraid that some of that is rubbing off on me, and I am beginning to see that sometimes being with a person and just talking can mean more than anything else you could do, even if your conversations are about constellations or boys, as many of mine have been lately with the girls during our evening power outages…

Back to our day… After we had filled up four big sacos with food, we headed to Pali, a winco type store, to finish our purchases. While roaming the aisles, I did notice open beers in the hands of many shoppers. At first I was taken aback, but then I thought about it and I think they might be on to something. So many people in the US just dread going to do their grocery shopping. Maybe if they had a beer in them, it would be a bit more enjoyable. that’ll be the day. Right after pigs can fly….

So now, the fridge is stocked, I’m officially tired, have a killer sunburn (b/c the thought didn’t cross my mind to put on sunscreen when going grocery shopping), and I can sympathize a bit with my mom when she tells me how taking care of a house wears her out so.

i put up some pics of my nicaraguan adventures on facebook. so, if your on facebook, check them out, or if you're not, here's the link.

http://wwu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2092438&l=4fd00&id=25908318

i'll post more pics as time goes on. and i'll also write more later this week as i'm going on a couple adventures that will surely be full of good stories to tell. tomorrow, i'm off to another ministry here called the Mustard Seed Mission where they have a feeding program in a nearby village. and then on Saturday, i'm going to the house of one of the house tutors and she is going to teach me how to make nacatamales (a traditional nicaraguan food). i'm pretty stoked.

check back early next week!

a well needed break...

this past weekend was amazing. words cannot desribe all the adventures i had. i (traveling with only myself) hopped on a bus and headed for san juan del sur- nicaragua's surfing capital, home to tourists, surf bums, and nicaraguans alike. i made it (early which was unbelievable after the four hours spent on the pot hole filled road) in time to see the sun setting as a fiery red ball setting into the depths of the sky. i stayed with a friend there and ended up staying in a beautiful villa her friend was letting her borrow for the weekend. walks along the beach, meeting random americans that have found themselves in the town for good, and cruising the back roads of san juan del sur in the bed of a pickup truck, waving fiercely to all the nica kids we passed. the cemetaries were all decked out with flowers in memory of loved ones (dia de los muertos was celebrated last friday). i was blessed with good weather and a relaxing trip, and even did a canopy tour where i was zip lining high above the trees of the jungle, whizzing by waterfalls and breathtaking views of the bay!


on the way back to managua, i had to take two buses. on my second one, i barely caught it and due to the timing of my connection, there were no more seats left. i was going to be content standing, but instead the driver offered me a thin metal bar to sit on that i'm sure was originally intended for holding onto as a person is exiting the bus. so, i sat right up front- the window and the whole world in front of me, or so it seemed. i chatted it up the with the driver and within the first 1/2 hour, this was one of our exchanges...

me: cuantas personas cree que estan en el bus ahorita? (how many people do you think are on the bus right now?)
driver: 65
me: cuantos asientos hay? (how many seats are there?)
driver: 45
me: verdad? (really?)
driver: y de pie- 100 (and with people standing- 100)
me: pero, no hay bastante asientos... (but there aren't enough seats...)
driver: es Nicaragua! (It's Nicaragua!)

it seems that is the common response whenever things are strange or different than i'm used to. It's Nicaragua! the rest of the bus ride was not any less exciting. when people got on the bus to sell their baked goods, the whole front section of the bus was involved in my decision to buy churros de queso y un postre de leche. they also were anxiously awaiting the verdict of the american who speaks spanish. both were very good. needless to say, they were sad to see me get off the bus. but at least, i got the card of the driver and he told me to call him when i needed an adventure- he said he'd take me on one of his routes for free and even let me be the person who opens the door and yells, "managua managua managua" as we drive pass people awaiting a bus... who knows? maybe in a few weeks!

upon arriving back to the house in las palmas, much excitement was awaiting me. a new girl was being dropped off at the house. her name is maylin and she is 6 years old. here she is:


she was severely malnourished and she has gained 10 pounds in the last month. it is hard to imagine her tiny frame ten pounds lighter. it is amazing to me the difference in her even in the two days she's been here at the home. upon arrival, the only words she would utter were, "mama, mama" and she seemed very upset. and now, after two days of love and food, she is walking around proudly with a smile on her face and seems like a completely different girl. i cannot wait to see how much more she will change in the coming years.

in addition to maylin's arrival, there were also three americans at the house who were doing some work in costa rica and came to stay a few days with the kids. i got to go with them yesterday to granada- a lovely town right on the edge of lake nicaragua. what a great trip that was too! we toured the 365 isletas of the lake. we ate a nica food called vigaron in the market. we saw a beautiful cathedral. we jumped on the bus yet once more for a town called catarina, where there is a stunning view of the mombacho volcano and a lagoon called Apoyo.


our last stop was a little town called san juan de oriente, where they are known for their pottery. we went into the shop of one man, who let us come down into where they were actually crafting all the pottery. their work was beautiful and we got a full explanation of how they're made. he even let us give the wheel a try. needless to say, i don't think i have a future in pottery... (note how my tongue sticks out when i'm concentrating!)



and now. our visitors have left and things are settling back into a routine here at the house. after my weekend away, i'm feeling much more refreshed and excited to be here. i think i needed a break from the monotony and that is definitely what i got. the Lord is continuing to bless this ministry- just today, we found out that maylin already has her first sponsor, after being here only two days. and also, two of the kids will be starting college at the University of Central America in February and they will both be receiving full scholarships. Praise the Lord! From the fullness of His grace, we surely do receive one blessing after another!

a walk in the park

so every morning, i've been getting my daily dose of exercise by walking around the park with Gladys for about 45 minutes. and what a blessing that time has been. it gives us a chance to start our day off on a good note and to spend time in fellowship, talking about anything and everything. her and Emilio have been so blessed in their lives and i am blessed in turn by hearing about their stories. i am reminded that in the US, family is not valued all that much. once people hit their 60's, they are immediately discarded as useless and a drain on society, and put away to live in retirement homes. here, family is of utmost importance and children would never let their parents be treated in such a manner, even if it means giving them a room in their own house. those generations that have gone before us have so much wisdom and insight and my listening skills are coming in handy. i am learning so much from them about their lives and what it means to live faithfully devoted to the Lord. i only hope that when i'm their age, i have half as many stories to tell someone who's willing to listen.

the rain has stopped finally. and the heat is back upon us. i'm telling you- i'm sweating from places that i didn't know i could sweat. and once i return to the States, i don't know if i'll have any more sweat left in me. it's so hot that my pack of gum melted in my bag (that's a mess, let me tell you!). the humidity is so bad that the adhesive on my envelopes is sticking without me even licking it and i have to pull open the envelopes in order to stick in a letter. ridiculous.

walked to the post office and so much life was happening. men sitting in a plastic chair outside their tin shack watching the day pass them by. stray dogs ambling down the street in search of a scrap to eat. a radio blasting the news from behind a stand where a man is selling oranges. teenage boys sitting inside the "video game cafe" playing playstation (what's new?). a man walking in front of me suddenly decides he needs to relieve himself and proceeds to "water" a tree. i cross to the other side of the street. taxis speed by- honking to announce their presence. bicycles and motos provide an easy way to get aroun. whistles and "mamacitas" surround me on all sides. ladies, if you want to instantly boost your self esteem, any latin american country is a great place to start... the profesoras back at the house tell me that i'm brave to walk to the post office by myself. i love it- it's a chance to get out, explore a little and observe a little how the people here live their daily lives.

i also got the chance to do that when riding on one of the "city buses". now before you start envisioning the comfortable buses that you're used to, think instead of an old school bus that has been painted and given a name, somehow relating to Christianity. we paid 12 cents to ride as far as we wanted. the first leg of the journey to the market was comfortable- i had my own seat. but after that, i was squished up against all the other commuters, praying that my deodorant was still working... it felt like a sauna on wheels. but i wouldn't have traded it for anything else. now, will i ever get to the point where i feel comfortable riding one of them by myself? we'll see and i'll let you know...

today, the parents of the girls can come visit if the want- they only get the chance once a month. it should be interesting.

here are a few pics...

una calle en las palmas...

me and angie, one of the girls here!


my new "home" en las palmas- a neighborhood of managua, nicaragua.

this kat is being domesticated...

so, i realize how ridiculous that sounds. but it's true!

in the last week, i have spent several hours in the kitchen with a little nicaraguan woman, named Maria, beginning my lessons in nicaraguan cooking. i am well on my way to mastering the art of tortilla making- finding the perfect mixture of maza and water, and then shaping them in the perfect round shape. of course, she thinks i'm nuts because it takes me twice as long to make one tortilla and it looks half as good.

i'm getting etiquette lessons from gladys. last night, we spent a long time learning about silverware and knowing which fork/spoon to use. i also learned how rude it was to use my finger to push the last few pieces of rice onto my fork... oops.

the girls are teaching me traditional (and not so traditional) nicaraguan dances. when the team was here, we spent more than two hours on friday with them, shaking, twisting, bumping, sweating, and looking like fools, nonetheless. man, can my nicaraguan sisters dance! and they love it too. oh and can i mention the song of the day... all i can remember is that is says, "that girl is hot like a tamale". ridiculous, but i love it!

and this morning, i come into the laundry room (i use that term loosely. imagine wire hanging from the walls to dry clothes, a sink to wash clothes and one washing machine that i get to use along with the abuelitos) to find isabel, a woman who does some cleaning and irons clothes, telling me how much my bathing suit smells. i gave it a cursory rinse when we got back from the ocean and called that good, hanging it up to dry. apparently, that just did not cut it. she took it down and told me to wash it. now, keep in mind, i don't think i've had to wash anything by hand in my life, except... ok, so never. and i as i look at the sink quizzingly, she comes over and tells me to wash it. my blank look must have shown that i didn't know what to do, so she took it from me and starting rubbing it hard against the built in washboard of the sink. and then she turns to me, telling me to try. so, i do, probably not doing a very good job. isabel runs to get maria (the cook) and starts jabbering away in spanish, thinking i can't understand, but man i can. and she's laughing and going on and on about how i don't know how to wash clothes. and before i know it, maria and isabel are both standing there watching my feeble attempt to wash my bathing suit. now, i don't get embarassed easily, but that was just humiliating. i told them that we use washing machines all the time in the States, but that didn't seem to appease them. i got out of there as fast as i could... but at least i now know, right?


oh man, so much to learn, so little time...

god help us...

Last Friday, I traveled out with the short term trip to Jinotepe, the other property that Arms of Love has out in the jungle a little over an hour out of Managua, to help paint some rooms in the team house that will house future short term teams that come to volunteer. Sunday morning, after breakfast, we all (all = the girls and boys, young and old, the short term team, all the staff that lives in the homes, and me) loaded up to head out. There were probably about 50-60 of us on one dilapidated school bus now referred to affectionately as Maltez. We are on an adventure to San Juan del Sur, a beach on the southern coast of Nicaragua, close to Costa Rica for a day of fun. Yet, we get not even three minutes out of the gate and find ourselves stuck. Keep in mind that it’s been raining for the past week straight and not just raining, but pouring (kind of like a Bellingham downpour). The dirt road leading to the houses is completely thrashed and flooded. It looks like one giant mud pit. The tires have found themselves in a losing battle against the mud and there is no way we will make it to the paved road. So, all of us adults jump out in an attempt to lighten the load, but that’s just the beginning. We all end up pushing, pulling, tugging and leaning every which way in attempts to free our only mode of transportation. Meanwhile, all of us are slipping around in the mud, our shoes, clothes and bodies covered in the liquefied mess. The men take over, and tell us ladies to stand back. So, as I’m watching, I can’t help but laugh and realize how ridiculous we must look to ever passersby. I also can’t help but think how something like this would never happen anywhere in the States. At this time, on a Sunday morning, most everyone is sitting comfortably in their church somewhere listening to a pastor speak or singing some worship song. And yet here I am out in the middle of the Nicaraguan jungle worshiping the sovereign Lord in a completely different way. I send up a prayer asking the Lord to please help us and provide some way for us to get out of the mud because the kids have been looking forward to this trip forever and would have been crushed if anything had happened to stop it. And before I know it, a car drives down the road, complete with 4 Wheel Drive. We explain to him our predicament, but I have a feeling our words were not necessary with the sight we were! The Nicaraguan man driving says he’ll help pull us out w/ his hitch. So, we get positioned correctly and 1…2…3… PUSH! Before I know it, we have the bus rolling and in the right direction! The Lord is good and faithful to answer prayers! We made it safely to the beach and enjoyed a great day of fun, food, sand, and lots of salt water. it had been a long time since i'd frolicked in the waves... and contrary to beaches in oregon, the water was actually warm enough to swim in!

On the return trip, we were stopped by a police block and detained for a while. After our driver disappeared out to the back of the bus and was not seen for a while, I was told the police were looking for a bribe. The policia got on the bus and Emilio went to negotiate. During the absence of our driver, all I could do was pray that we would get out of there somehow and as soon as the police started talking to Emilio, Emilio explained that we were just from a children’s home and were just going home from the beach. And the police said ok and got off! We didn’t have to bribe anyone!

I’m telling you… this weekend was a reminder that men make plans and the Lord sometimes has other ideas. But He is faithful to reply when you ask and petition.

a kiss never tasted so good.

now before you get some fantasy in your head about me meeting the nicaraguan man of my dreams, hold your horses... i was referring to a hershey's kiss. yesterday, i went to this store called Price Smart and it is exactly like Costco, samples and everything. and one of them was a hershey's kiss. let me tell you, one thing they do not believe in here is dessert and you know me, that is one of my biggest vices. so, chocolate was welcomed with open arms.

one week in a new country. a lot of things have changed for me:
* my wake up time: 5AM with the bell that wakes up the girls, but then i manage to drift back to sleep until 5:45, where i lay in bed until i can drag myself out at 6AM to take a cold shower. and yet i never thought i would enjoy a cold shower. it is the ten minutes in my day that i feel clean and refreshed. the second i step out, i'm covered in a humid sweat again. and yeah, and i think i scare the girls with my singing in the shower.
* bed time: somewhere around 9PM after we have devotional and the girls all say, "buenas noches"
* my typical dinner: gallo pinto (a mixture of rice and beans cooked together) with crema y tortillas
* my eau de toilette: Off insect repellent (a lot different than the Clinique Happy i'm used to wearing). i swear, every time i look at my leg, another five bug bites have shown up no matter how many times i reapply or how well i tuck in my mosquito net during the night.
* mode of transportation: one of the numerous taxis in the city of Managua. (funny story- yesterday, we were going out and abuelita stopped a cab to ask them how much. they quoted her an extremely high price, most likely because i, the american, was standing right there. so, abuelita had me stand inside the fence where i was hidden from people on the street, hailed another taxi, and after receiving the price quote, had me hurry out to join her. so they quoted her a decent price and much to their surprise, i came along for the ride!)
* my family: 18 rowdy, crazy girls who seem bipolar to me sometimes. when i'm with them one on one, they are so kind and loving. and then later that same day, they are running around being catty and saying mean things to each other. i guess that's girls for you, no matter what country you're in. mis abuelitos- a couple named emilio and gladys who are 70 and 68 respectively. they live here in the house with the girls and are their parents now. emilio is also the national director of arms of love here in nica. there are also some women that come everyday to the house. dona myra lives here and does everything for the girls. noah is the profesora. isabel does the laundry and cleans. maria cooks and no matter how many times i offer to help, she never finds me when it's time to cook. (but yesterday, i helped wash dishes and i think that scored me some brownie points in her eyes). oh yeah, and i must not forget the little lizard gecko thing that lives on my wall and eats the mosquitos that would otherwise be eating me all night long...
* my money: they use the cordoba here and there are about 19 to $1 USD. great for me! i can get pretty much anything super cheap.
* my self esteem: it's on the rise because of all the compliments i'm getting here. everyone loves my eyes and i can't go anywhere without hearing this. (another funny story: yesterday when i was at the market with abuelita, this man said, "que bonitos son sus ojos". he was talking to gladys and obviously assumed i couldn't speak spanish. i turned to him and said, "gracias". he looked surprised and then asked gladys if i was from germany or america because he spoke a little bit of german. i turned to him once again and said, "soy americana." that quieted him quickly... so although, i may not be fluent by any means, i know enough to get by!)
* my feelings about rain: ahora, me encanta la lluvia. now, i love the rain. at home, it symbolizes the onset of a dreary, bleak winter season. but here, it is a refreshing change that calms down the heat and humidity. and seeing as i'm in the middle of the rainy season (it gets over mid- november), it seems like we'll be getting much more rain!

i've had the chance to go to two separate markets in the last few days. and what an overwhelming blow to the senses. the assorted goods strewn about in kiosks filling the streets and abandoned buildings that are now dedicated to this mercanary endeavor. fruits that i've never seen or heard of , let alone pronounce the names of. avocados the size of mangos. bad rap music blaring from some speaker- you know the type, like the "me encanta la gasolina" song. being harassed by people on all sides, "que buscas senora?". they are all vying for my attention. some of the most intricate crafts that i have ever seen. right alongside, the handiwork that all tourists to visit nicaragua will leave tucked away in their suitcase as a momento of their good time in nica. the smells, both good and bad. the various refrescos sold in plastic sandwich bags with a straw tucked in the top. underwear, bras, fabrics, wrangler jeans, adidas (who knows whether they're real or knock offs?), every type of shampoo imagineable. they have EVERYTHING! what a difference from running to the neighborhood Fred Meyer to do your grocery shopping...

up to this point, i have had a really hard time figuring out my place and where i belong here, what my role is as a volunteer here in this organization. the role is not clearly defined and for the last week, my main job has been to entertain the girls and play with them. let me tell you, i have become professional at monopolio (learning all the tricks of the game and all the key phrases that you need to play in spanish), have played countless games of guerra (war) and lost a high percentage of those, and have forced myself to play volleyball with the girls because that seems to be one of the only ways i can win affection (despite my extreme dislike for volleyball and the bruises covering my forearms...). i called my parents in tears, demanding to come home, but have since then, spent a lot of time reading the Bible and in prayer. as uncomfortable as this is for me to be here and as useless as i feel, i cannot justify leaving. God definitely called me here, as seen in the whole process from this past abril to now, beginning with me deciding to take some time off to finding out my email wasn't working and then finally getting ahold of Arms of Love two weeks before i came. he has orchestrated his plan perfectly and i am beginning to realize that right now, He does have something for me to do here. Even if it's rest and spend time with Him. I might cut my time short and come home beginning of January, instead of March, but i'm not making any rash decisions. please continue to pray for me, that i might find a purpose in being here and get some sort of affirmation that i am supposed to be here now in this very time of my life.

right now, we have a short term team here- a group of 13 mennonites and what a blessing they are, just in being here. last night, they sang worship songs (in english!) and one of them handed me a snickers bar. gracias a Dios! instead of falling asleep by myself, i fell asleep surrounded by 7 beautiful young women who came down here to serve these girls and Jesus. such an encouragement to me. i think i'll get to work alongside them when they are doing their work projects!

i leave you with this... habakkuk 1:5 says,

"Look at the nations and watch—
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told."

now, if you're like me, you had to look up habakkuk in your table of contents to remember where that was in the bible, but after stumbling on these words recorded by the prophet Habakkuk, i am encouraged that God is going to do something in my days here, that i could never believe. that is my reason for staying and persevering, despite my flesh calling me back to the states...