a-dios nicaragua...

well, here i am. 48 hours before i leave this country and all that my time here has been. and just as it is near the end of any experience, it's bittersweet. on one hand, i am so excited to see my mom on monday and am looking forward so much to our fun adventure in costa rica, but at the same time, my heart is breaking in half thinking about leaving all these girls. as much as it feels like none of the girls will even notice my absence, i have to remind myself that's a lie i'm telling myself to discount my time here and any impact i might have had in the lives of the people down here. today, at least 5 girls have asked me when i'm leaving and the next question is always, when will you come back to see us? one girl told me that she doesn't want me to go (no quiero que te vayas...). even though it feels like i haven't "done much" with these girls in my time here, i am slowly starting to realize that just by being here and living with them for these almost three months is where my impact lies. it is the countless games of UNO, the conversations under the stars to pass time during power outages, and watching numerous Disney channel movies in Spanish (and let's just say that now i can sing all the songs from high school musical 2 sadly!). eating with the girls, taking some of them on my morning walks, and living with them. being there for the yelling, the tears, but also for the smiles, songs and laughs. these things might not seem much to anyone else, or even to me, but the relationships that i have established with the girls here are irreplaceable. they have taught me so much about teenage girls (and how tumultuous those years can truly be) and i have learned so much about what the absence or presence of love and affection can do in the life of a child. the lessons have been countless and i think i will be able to process them better once i get back to the states- as one friend told me, it's hard to get perspective on something while you're in it. and if nothing else, when i leave, i am sure that there will be no singing in the shower and no one will be jumping at the chance to make tortillas (those were my territory!)

i'm just praying that as i go back, i can see where God wants me to go next. where will i live and what will i do? vancouver, bellingham, somewhere completely different? work, classes, what? one thing is for sure- i have definitely been changed by my time here and i have no doubt that the people i love have also changed. i only hope we can understand each other and have the patience to hear about all the things that God has done in our physical absence.

this verse sticks out to me: "so please don't, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. hold the high ground with him at your side." 1 corinthians 7:24 (message)

taking this trip was a challenge from day one- trying to figure out where to go and what to do, but more than that, realizing that it was ok to break the mold from what everyone else was doing or telling me to do. and now, at the end of it, i'm still alive and perhaps better off than where i started. i just hope that i can continue to walk completely in HIM, following where He is calling me, no matter what the world thinks about it. i am His disciple and because of that, I am called to leave all behind me, whatever that might look like.

one more thing before i sign out. ever notice that the word ADIOS (spanish for goodbye) sounds an awful lot like A DIOS (spanish for to God)? to me, that has some significance because it's almost as if we are acknowledging God's existence and power in our lives everytime we say goodbye. almost as if we are reminding ourselves and others that to Him and to Him alone be the glory today and always. or perhaps, that's just me and my over thinking things because i have way too much time on my hands down here. but anywho, i think it's something good to think about (whether you agree or not). and with that, i say goodbye.

adios nicaragua y nos vemos. gracias por todo.

me and luz, making our christmas cookies last week...

it's beginning to look a little bit like Christmas

this is little meyling, our latest addition here at arms of love in nicaragua. she has a tendency of stealing the show...

so, i think my brain is confused because the calendar says that it's December 14th, the ads on tv are featuring people in Santa hats, and people are sending out warm wishes for a merry Christmas. and yet in the midst of all of this, here i am in a tropical climate, wearing my shorts instead of being bundled up in a hoody and rain boots. that just doesn't make sense to me. until last night, when we put up the christmas tree here in nicaragua. me and my "sisters" decorated the house, while listening to choruses of "feliz navidad". that's when it clicked that we are at t minus 11 days until Christmas. it's the first Christmas away from home, not to mention i won't even be in my home country, but at least my mom will be with me to celebrate (and by that time, we'll be enjoying Costa Rica!). and as hard as it is to be away from my friends and family and all the things that are comforting about this time of year- making cookies and turtles with my mom, reading all the Christmas letters, thinking about presents for loved ones, waking up to the lights of the tree dancing downstairs- perhaps it's a blessing in disguise, because it means that i will have a chance to actually remember why we have this extended break from school in the first place. as a follower of Christ, december 25th has special meaning for me, as it marks the day that Jesus Christ was born into this world, where He lived and ministered until the day He faced His death, nailed on a cross in between two criminals. and yet, even keeping this in mind, it's so easy to get caught up in all that the American culture has made the Christmas season. it hardly bears any resemblance to what it should, and is instead replaced with an insane commercialism that is as contagious as chicken pox in a preschool classroom. instead of focusing on the sacrifice Jesus made to come to a life on this Earth, the importance shifts to cookies, stockings, trees, gifts, parties, and things that have nothing to do with Christmas. although these things are fun and a great way to get together with friends and family, i hope and pray that as we draw closer to the 25th, you and i would take some time to remember the real reason for the season.

luz y vanessa help put together the tree

i'm trying to help valeska untangle the lights... without much luck!

finally we make it to the "add ornaments" stage of tree decoration!

some of the girls pose in front of the finished tree!

me with catherin carolina

mi casa es su casa

yesterday in the morning, i headed out to a little town called diriamba, about 45 km from managua where i had been invited to spend the day/night with one of the tutor mothers here at the home, noha. i made it without problems in the microbus and noha met me at the town clock tower. we went back to her house where i met her kids (moises, raquel and rosita) and her house. her house is like many that i have passed by here in nicaragua and never thought i'd have the chance to enter into. the tin roof, the bare walls, the rooms separated by particle board. and in the midst of all the nothingness, there is the prized television set, speaker system, and collection of DVDS and CDs. cracks me up. kind of like the fact that Nicaragua is an extremely poor country w/ half the population living under the poverty line and yet i'm sure like 87% have a cell phone. explain that to me. when i ask about it, they tell me it's because land lines are more expensive. i think it's more of an image thing- so that they can seem like they have more money than they actually do. it was a chance that i'm sure the majority of tourists never get. she wasn't joking when she told me she was poor. this is the bathroom of the house:

quite an experience... we made a traditional nica food for lunch called baho. it has beef, plantains, onions, tomatoes, yuca, and is covered w/ plantain leaves before it is set to cook for hours over the fire. here's the finished product- quite tasty i might add, but i've yet to find a food here that i don't like:

here's the kicker. while we were chatting in the morning, noha told me that her 14 year old daughter was pregnant. so, i went with them as they talked to the boys family and the lawyer. and as awkward as it was since i'm not part of the family, it reminded me that we are all human beings, no matter what country we were born in and at the core, we feel, cry, and bleed at the same things. a hug and a supportive smile can transcend all sorts of language barriers. later in the evening, i got a ride around diriamba in a "motoneta", a popular taxi in small towns of nicaragua. have you ever been on "mr. toad's wild ride" at disneyland? well, it felt like that as we were cruising the cobblestone streets and zooming down hills... oh yes, and then we stopped at a street vendor to buy some cotton candy (algodon en spanish). who taught nicaraguans how to make cotton candy? then, i jumped behind the steering wheel. they wouldn't let me drive, but it made for a great picture.

for dinner, we had another great nica food- carne asada and then we went to the central park which is apparently the hotspot of town. i chatted w/a girl my age named marginee and was once again reminded that we are all essentially the same, no matter what cultural differences we have. we both have been called flirts by friends, have arguments w/ our parents, and want to get out and see the world we live in. i'm still amazed that i have enough spanish to carry on a real conversation. we headed back to the "house" and it was time for bed. i was put up in the room of noha and her husband, who selflessly gave it up for the comfort of me- their guest. i'm not quite sure where they slept, most likely cozied up with their two little ones on the other side of the particle board, where a chorus of "buenas noches" echoed before i finally drifted off to sleep, only to be woken by the crowing roosters outside, announcing the start of a new day.

"esta casa es triste, no?" noha asked me, "isn't this house sad?" i responded by telling her that it was lovely. the people in the states put so much emphasis on their things and their house is their pride and joy. and here, where the houses aren't all that much to look at, the value and character come from the people living inside of them. if i were only to look at the outward appearance of a house here, sure, it wouldn't seem to be much, but because of the people living inside, these are some of the sweetest homes i've ever been in.

Down in the dumps... and not a bad thing.

i never believed that i would count a trip to a city dump as a blessing or as a highlight in a day, but the trip i took the La Chureca (the city dump in Managua) yesterday was by far the best part of the day. upon loading the car w/ "un monton de pollo" as they say here, we were off. after some driving through the confusing streets of managua, we had arrived. rounding a corner, we were in a whole new world. the paved roads were traded for dirt, the tiendas and houses for mounds and mounds of refuse from the city. in the midst of all this trash live people who make their living searching for treasures. recyclable goods are pulled out and pieces of iron are taken to be sold for a few centavos. this place where conditions are hardly fit for work, let alone life, hundreds of people have made this their home. the sheets of tin serve as walls and are decorated with cardboard from the neighboring piles of trash. dogs work right alongside the children, scavenging for food. i'm told girls often offer their bodies to the truck drivers (as it's the only thing they have to give) so that they and their families might get to go through the truck's contents first. how can i even begin to wrap my head around this type of existence? oh yes and then we pass the "billiard hall" of the neighborhood, where the pool tables can be spotted through cracks in the walls. many people have been offered a life outside of the La chureca, but most never leave and those who do, often return. for me, i can't imagine choosing to return to this type of life, especially when someone offers you something else. but people are constantly coming in to help and give things to the people living in la chureca, and when i consider this, i guess i can see a little bit of the twisted logic of why they stay.

finally, in the midst of the burning heaps of trash and shacks, we arrive at what appears to be a watering hole in the midst of a desert. at first, it appears to be a mirage, but El Colegio Esperanza is as real as can be with 350 students who come for class everyday. we unloaded all the food (for our end of classes celebration) and got right down to meeting the kids we came to love. in all shapes and sizes they stand before me- their knowing brown eyes full of despair. i have no idea where to go or what to do. i am overwhelmed by the amount of kids who are desperate for any ounce of attention i can give them.


i start chatting with some girls. i take some pictures. i am carrying a girl named maria on my back. i am poked and smiled at by children that walk by. i am singing worship songs in spanish with the band, clapping and waving my arms in the air. a girl wipes the sweat from my face and neck. another tries to rearrange my hairstyle, and i am trying not to think about where her hands have been or the probability that she has lice. a little boy wearing rubber boots, despite the heat, motions for my water bottle. upon giving it to him, the contents are gone within seconds. after quenching his physical thirst, how i long to offer him the living water of the Lord, as Jesus did to the woman at the well. girls run around in what were once treasured dresses of American girls, probably worn only on special occasions, but are now used as everyday attire.


these kids are eage to soak up any love that i can give them. and for one of the most memorable times in my life, i saw a glimpse of how jesus must view his children. these children were dirty- we were in the city dump for pete's sake, and yet their physical appearance did not change the fact that they need to hear about jesus and are loved so much by the God of the universe. there was nothing i could do but put aside my selfish and conditional love and try to be the hands and mouth of jesus to these kids. what a challenge, but blessing after realizing i had been used by the creator of the universe!

after some more worship songs and a mime drama about the Gospel, it was time for lunch. nearly 400 plates of rice, beans, cabbage salad, chicken, watermelon and tortilla we served with lemonade. and then it was time for cake after the pinatas. how need it was to feed their mouths and then their souls with the bread of life as new testaments were handed out to all.

after all was cleaned up, we headed out to leave. our newfound friends gathered for one last hug and goodbye. one girl who was trying to stow away in our van- i told her that she was beautiful and that God loves her. she nodded and i wondered if she'd ever been told that she was loved. these kids are eager to listen, but who will tell them of the Good News?

as we left the dump, everything was the same as when we came in. the only difference was that there was a sense of hope in the air. God is working amongst the people living in La chureca and thos who minister to them. what a joy it is to be a part of His work and know that when we are doing what He has for us, we can find blessing in the most unexpected places, even in the middle of a heap of trash...

Sábado = shopping day

All right, so Saturday morning rolls around and what else could that mean? It’s time to do the weekly shopping for the home! Mamerto, emilio’s personal assistant, comes to the house, and I ask if I can accompany him on his shopping trip. He obliges and we’re off. 2.50 córdobas and a ride on the bus later, and we’re there. We’ve arrived at Mercado Oriental where we will buy all the fresh fruits and veggies we need. we opted to steer clear of Mercado Roberto Huembes and for a good reason too. It’s the biggest market in all of central America, which means it’s filled with tourists and an equal number of guys ready to rob you.

Our first stop is the guy that sells batteries. But go figure, he’s out of the kind we need. so, he directs us to two plastic chairs and tells us to sit down in the shade. I chat it up with his daughter in Spanish while he runs off to another one of his vendor friends to buy the batteries from them. Before long, he’s back and his daughter is spouting off basic English phrases.

Next, it’s deep into the market we go. Now, if you’ve never been to an open air market, it is an experience that you must have once in your life. It’s one that I absolutely love and wouldn’t mind if I was stuck using this type of markets for the rest of my life. Everywhere you look, there is something new to look at. I wish I had some sweet pictures to share with you, but EVERYONE advised me against taking my camera at the risk of it being stolen (and besides, I’m not sure that pictures could do it justice), so I’m going to try my best to give you a glimpse into one of the mercados in Nicaragua with my words. But before I begin, I must tell you something. Sometimes, I think we are so caught up with being behind our cameras and taking pictures to remember our experiences when we get home that we don’t actually enjoy or experience what we’re doing in the moment. We see the world differently when we’re seeing it through our own two eyes, rather than behind a lens.

There is a new sight around every corner. Weaving between erratic taxis honking their horn just to let you know that they’re there, paying careful attention to your feet to make sure you aren’t at risk of losing a toe. Being vigilant of the carts hauling whatever goods or people need to be transported. Meat, cheese, fruits, vegetables, shampoo, dishes- whatever you could possibly be looking for, there is a good chance you can find it here. How’s that for one stop shopping? Fred Meyer has got some stiff competition!

Baskets and whatever other assorted containers are overflowing with a rainbow of the freshest looking produce I’ve ever seen. Chiltomas, pipians, yucca, chiote, tomates, papas, zanahorias, repollo. (those are all vegetable names in Spanish, by the way) I am definitely being introduced to vegetables i’ve never been exposed to in my life. The fruits are just beautiful, if fruit can be described as beautiful. Sure there are the normal pineapples, oranges, mandarins, and watermelon. But then you have the papayas that are bigger than your head and the exotic pithaya that looks like a fuschia cactus and is so delicious! Granadilla and other fruits that will eventually end up blended with sugar and sold in a plastic bag as just one of the many “refrescos” that are so common here.

Platanos (plantains) are everywhere I look. They are basically just an oversized banana and come in two kinds. The yellow ones, known as maduros, and the green ones, verdes are definitely the most common market item. They are cooked in many different ways, boiled, baked, fried, and are delicious in every form.

Cheese (definitely not your Tillamook cheddar, but rather a white salty slab that crumbles easily), meat (hanging from hooks in anything but sanitary conditions), and eggs are in abundance. None of which apparently ACTUALLY need to be refrigerated, or at least that’s what I’m told. We Americans have apparently just made up the fact that our food will go bad if it sits out for an hour or more. I’m still having a hard time believing it, but am just trying to go w/ it, because there’s not really much else I can do.

Orange peels littering the ground. Along with scraps of sugar cane and seeds from granadilla fruit. Mangy dogs scavenging for any scraps they can find. Children running around, most likely who know every nook and cranny of the market, after having to find ways to entertain themselves there while their parents work, selling their goods. The smells of fresh carne asada mingle with the trash that is haphazardly thrown in the drains and the ripe pineapple gives off its sweet aroma. “Que buscas mi amor? Cuanto vale esta? Muy barato. Con permiso.” The air is filled with the voices of people deep in conversation or trying to vy for the attention of their prospective buyers. Illegally copied movies sell for cheap, and the skeezy Nicaraguan rap music blasts from speakers, following versions of MC Hammer’s “Too Legit to Quit”. Men and women dozing off near their prized plantains. The guy with alcohol on his breath trying to carry your purchases, in hopes of earning a few pesos. Nothing is unimaginable at the market!

We stopped to buy a bottle of water and what I got was not my new, unopened bottle of Evian, but rather, a bottle from an orange soda that had been rinsed out, hopefully with a little bit of soap, and most likely filled with water from the sink. I love it. How’s that for quality control?

In the midst of all the insanity and hustle and bustle, there is one common thread. And that is a strong sense of camaraderie that is missing in the States. People greeting each other with a kiss on the cheek or strong handshake. Conversation shared over a cold fresco. Laughter and smiles are in abundance. Think about the Americans who go to the grocery store, thinking to themselves as they get out of the car, “man, I really hope I don’t run into anyone I know. I really don’t want to talk to anyone right now. I’m much too busy and I look terrible.” The Nica view of this is completely opposite. They anticipate and expect to see their closest friends and family at the market, and use the time there to catch up and strengthen friendships. This is really telling of how much they value relationships. And I am afraid that some of that is rubbing off on me, and I am beginning to see that sometimes being with a person and just talking can mean more than anything else you could do, even if your conversations are about constellations or boys, as many of mine have been lately with the girls during our evening power outages…

Back to our day… After we had filled up four big sacos with food, we headed to Pali, a winco type store, to finish our purchases. While roaming the aisles, I did notice open beers in the hands of many shoppers. At first I was taken aback, but then I thought about it and I think they might be on to something. So many people in the US just dread going to do their grocery shopping. Maybe if they had a beer in them, it would be a bit more enjoyable. that’ll be the day. Right after pigs can fly….

So now, the fridge is stocked, I’m officially tired, have a killer sunburn (b/c the thought didn’t cross my mind to put on sunscreen when going grocery shopping), and I can sympathize a bit with my mom when she tells me how taking care of a house wears her out so.

i put up some pics of my nicaraguan adventures on facebook. so, if your on facebook, check them out, or if you're not, here's the link.

http://wwu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2092438&l=4fd00&id=25908318

i'll post more pics as time goes on. and i'll also write more later this week as i'm going on a couple adventures that will surely be full of good stories to tell. tomorrow, i'm off to another ministry here called the Mustard Seed Mission where they have a feeding program in a nearby village. and then on Saturday, i'm going to the house of one of the house tutors and she is going to teach me how to make nacatamales (a traditional nicaraguan food). i'm pretty stoked.

check back early next week!

a well needed break...

this past weekend was amazing. words cannot desribe all the adventures i had. i (traveling with only myself) hopped on a bus and headed for san juan del sur- nicaragua's surfing capital, home to tourists, surf bums, and nicaraguans alike. i made it (early which was unbelievable after the four hours spent on the pot hole filled road) in time to see the sun setting as a fiery red ball setting into the depths of the sky. i stayed with a friend there and ended up staying in a beautiful villa her friend was letting her borrow for the weekend. walks along the beach, meeting random americans that have found themselves in the town for good, and cruising the back roads of san juan del sur in the bed of a pickup truck, waving fiercely to all the nica kids we passed. the cemetaries were all decked out with flowers in memory of loved ones (dia de los muertos was celebrated last friday). i was blessed with good weather and a relaxing trip, and even did a canopy tour where i was zip lining high above the trees of the jungle, whizzing by waterfalls and breathtaking views of the bay!


on the way back to managua, i had to take two buses. on my second one, i barely caught it and due to the timing of my connection, there were no more seats left. i was going to be content standing, but instead the driver offered me a thin metal bar to sit on that i'm sure was originally intended for holding onto as a person is exiting the bus. so, i sat right up front- the window and the whole world in front of me, or so it seemed. i chatted it up the with the driver and within the first 1/2 hour, this was one of our exchanges...

me: cuantas personas cree que estan en el bus ahorita? (how many people do you think are on the bus right now?)
driver: 65
me: cuantos asientos hay? (how many seats are there?)
driver: 45
me: verdad? (really?)
driver: y de pie- 100 (and with people standing- 100)
me: pero, no hay bastante asientos... (but there aren't enough seats...)
driver: es Nicaragua! (It's Nicaragua!)

it seems that is the common response whenever things are strange or different than i'm used to. It's Nicaragua! the rest of the bus ride was not any less exciting. when people got on the bus to sell their baked goods, the whole front section of the bus was involved in my decision to buy churros de queso y un postre de leche. they also were anxiously awaiting the verdict of the american who speaks spanish. both were very good. needless to say, they were sad to see me get off the bus. but at least, i got the card of the driver and he told me to call him when i needed an adventure- he said he'd take me on one of his routes for free and even let me be the person who opens the door and yells, "managua managua managua" as we drive pass people awaiting a bus... who knows? maybe in a few weeks!

upon arriving back to the house in las palmas, much excitement was awaiting me. a new girl was being dropped off at the house. her name is maylin and she is 6 years old. here she is:


she was severely malnourished and she has gained 10 pounds in the last month. it is hard to imagine her tiny frame ten pounds lighter. it is amazing to me the difference in her even in the two days she's been here at the home. upon arrival, the only words she would utter were, "mama, mama" and she seemed very upset. and now, after two days of love and food, she is walking around proudly with a smile on her face and seems like a completely different girl. i cannot wait to see how much more she will change in the coming years.

in addition to maylin's arrival, there were also three americans at the house who were doing some work in costa rica and came to stay a few days with the kids. i got to go with them yesterday to granada- a lovely town right on the edge of lake nicaragua. what a great trip that was too! we toured the 365 isletas of the lake. we ate a nica food called vigaron in the market. we saw a beautiful cathedral. we jumped on the bus yet once more for a town called catarina, where there is a stunning view of the mombacho volcano and a lagoon called Apoyo.


our last stop was a little town called san juan de oriente, where they are known for their pottery. we went into the shop of one man, who let us come down into where they were actually crafting all the pottery. their work was beautiful and we got a full explanation of how they're made. he even let us give the wheel a try. needless to say, i don't think i have a future in pottery... (note how my tongue sticks out when i'm concentrating!)



and now. our visitors have left and things are settling back into a routine here at the house. after my weekend away, i'm feeling much more refreshed and excited to be here. i think i needed a break from the monotony and that is definitely what i got. the Lord is continuing to bless this ministry- just today, we found out that maylin already has her first sponsor, after being here only two days. and also, two of the kids will be starting college at the University of Central America in February and they will both be receiving full scholarships. Praise the Lord! From the fullness of His grace, we surely do receive one blessing after another!