this overheard from an intoxicated man asking my brother for spare change last night in downtown vancouver got me thinking. aren't we all just trying to get somewhere? make something of our life? do something that will live on long after we are gone? we are always trying to get somewhere, whether it's a physical place or rather more of a mental state or a certain place in our life. we are rarely content just staying where we are at.
this brings up the idea of arrival. how do we know we've arrived? how will we know when we've come into the life that was planned for us long ago? will it just hit us one day when we are completely happy and realize that we are doing what we were created to do? that all the pieces of our life finally fit together, all the life experiences finally add up and it all just clicks and we realize that this is what we were meant to do? do those moments of clarity ever actually happen?
entering my last year of college is equal parts exciting and terrifying. it's strange to think that after this year, i won't have any more homework to do, no more long hours spent in the library, textbooks to spend hundreds on, professors to meet, classmates to learn from and with. the idea of fall walking hand in hand with the start of a new school year will be no more. up to this point, school has always been the next logical step for me. after graduation in june, where will i go? what will i do? the question is already starting to come from curious and well-intentioned friends and family. oh you're studying spanish and latin american studies... what are you going to do with that?
i have no idea. is that ok? all i know is it's something that i'm passionate about and could stand studying for four years straight without getting sick of it. i know that there are somewhere between 300 and 400 MILLION people who speak Spanish in the world. being able to communicate with them will probably come in handy at some point in my life, either in the US or in some latin american country. why does this question intimidate me so much: if you could do anything with your life, regardless of money, education, or anything, what would you do? in my attempts to be a logical and realistic person, i feel like i've lost my ability to dream. i've squashed my own dreams before they've even had a chance to blossom.
why am i so lonely? want to know what i did today? i picked blackberries, made a cobbler, and went for a hike in the gorge. that's completely normal, right? it was great, no doubt about that. but is it so much to ask for someone to share those adventures and life with? someone, someday will accept me and appreciate me for all my idiosyncracies. i guess all i can do is wait until life brings us together. any time soon would be great... patience never was one of my strengths.
view from angel's rest in the gorge. breathtaking.oh yes, i'm moving on october 1st to portland. 39th and laurelhurst place. four blocks from laurelhurst park. here's my new house. i cannot wait to live in portland. to be out of my parent's house. and to get to know my roommates. and to explore. and grocery shop. and ride my bike around. and to go to imago dei. and not have an hour commute to school. it will be good. now all i need is a job. i'm still praying that rose's at lloyd center works out. should know by next week. fingers crossed.
