a-dios nicaragua...

well, here i am. 48 hours before i leave this country and all that my time here has been. and just as it is near the end of any experience, it's bittersweet. on one hand, i am so excited to see my mom on monday and am looking forward so much to our fun adventure in costa rica, but at the same time, my heart is breaking in half thinking about leaving all these girls. as much as it feels like none of the girls will even notice my absence, i have to remind myself that's a lie i'm telling myself to discount my time here and any impact i might have had in the lives of the people down here. today, at least 5 girls have asked me when i'm leaving and the next question is always, when will you come back to see us? one girl told me that she doesn't want me to go (no quiero que te vayas...). even though it feels like i haven't "done much" with these girls in my time here, i am slowly starting to realize that just by being here and living with them for these almost three months is where my impact lies. it is the countless games of UNO, the conversations under the stars to pass time during power outages, and watching numerous Disney channel movies in Spanish (and let's just say that now i can sing all the songs from high school musical 2 sadly!). eating with the girls, taking some of them on my morning walks, and living with them. being there for the yelling, the tears, but also for the smiles, songs and laughs. these things might not seem much to anyone else, or even to me, but the relationships that i have established with the girls here are irreplaceable. they have taught me so much about teenage girls (and how tumultuous those years can truly be) and i have learned so much about what the absence or presence of love and affection can do in the life of a child. the lessons have been countless and i think i will be able to process them better once i get back to the states- as one friend told me, it's hard to get perspective on something while you're in it. and if nothing else, when i leave, i am sure that there will be no singing in the shower and no one will be jumping at the chance to make tortillas (those were my territory!)

i'm just praying that as i go back, i can see where God wants me to go next. where will i live and what will i do? vancouver, bellingham, somewhere completely different? work, classes, what? one thing is for sure- i have definitely been changed by my time here and i have no doubt that the people i love have also changed. i only hope we can understand each other and have the patience to hear about all the things that God has done in our physical absence.

this verse sticks out to me: "so please don't, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. hold the high ground with him at your side." 1 corinthians 7:24 (message)

taking this trip was a challenge from day one- trying to figure out where to go and what to do, but more than that, realizing that it was ok to break the mold from what everyone else was doing or telling me to do. and now, at the end of it, i'm still alive and perhaps better off than where i started. i just hope that i can continue to walk completely in HIM, following where He is calling me, no matter what the world thinks about it. i am His disciple and because of that, I am called to leave all behind me, whatever that might look like.

one more thing before i sign out. ever notice that the word ADIOS (spanish for goodbye) sounds an awful lot like A DIOS (spanish for to God)? to me, that has some significance because it's almost as if we are acknowledging God's existence and power in our lives everytime we say goodbye. almost as if we are reminding ourselves and others that to Him and to Him alone be the glory today and always. or perhaps, that's just me and my over thinking things because i have way too much time on my hands down here. but anywho, i think it's something good to think about (whether you agree or not). and with that, i say goodbye.

adios nicaragua y nos vemos. gracias por todo.

me and luz, making our christmas cookies last week...

it's beginning to look a little bit like Christmas

this is little meyling, our latest addition here at arms of love in nicaragua. she has a tendency of stealing the show...

so, i think my brain is confused because the calendar says that it's December 14th, the ads on tv are featuring people in Santa hats, and people are sending out warm wishes for a merry Christmas. and yet in the midst of all of this, here i am in a tropical climate, wearing my shorts instead of being bundled up in a hoody and rain boots. that just doesn't make sense to me. until last night, when we put up the christmas tree here in nicaragua. me and my "sisters" decorated the house, while listening to choruses of "feliz navidad". that's when it clicked that we are at t minus 11 days until Christmas. it's the first Christmas away from home, not to mention i won't even be in my home country, but at least my mom will be with me to celebrate (and by that time, we'll be enjoying Costa Rica!). and as hard as it is to be away from my friends and family and all the things that are comforting about this time of year- making cookies and turtles with my mom, reading all the Christmas letters, thinking about presents for loved ones, waking up to the lights of the tree dancing downstairs- perhaps it's a blessing in disguise, because it means that i will have a chance to actually remember why we have this extended break from school in the first place. as a follower of Christ, december 25th has special meaning for me, as it marks the day that Jesus Christ was born into this world, where He lived and ministered until the day He faced His death, nailed on a cross in between two criminals. and yet, even keeping this in mind, it's so easy to get caught up in all that the American culture has made the Christmas season. it hardly bears any resemblance to what it should, and is instead replaced with an insane commercialism that is as contagious as chicken pox in a preschool classroom. instead of focusing on the sacrifice Jesus made to come to a life on this Earth, the importance shifts to cookies, stockings, trees, gifts, parties, and things that have nothing to do with Christmas. although these things are fun and a great way to get together with friends and family, i hope and pray that as we draw closer to the 25th, you and i would take some time to remember the real reason for the season.

luz y vanessa help put together the tree

i'm trying to help valeska untangle the lights... without much luck!

finally we make it to the "add ornaments" stage of tree decoration!

some of the girls pose in front of the finished tree!

me with catherin carolina

mi casa es su casa

yesterday in the morning, i headed out to a little town called diriamba, about 45 km from managua where i had been invited to spend the day/night with one of the tutor mothers here at the home, noha. i made it without problems in the microbus and noha met me at the town clock tower. we went back to her house where i met her kids (moises, raquel and rosita) and her house. her house is like many that i have passed by here in nicaragua and never thought i'd have the chance to enter into. the tin roof, the bare walls, the rooms separated by particle board. and in the midst of all the nothingness, there is the prized television set, speaker system, and collection of DVDS and CDs. cracks me up. kind of like the fact that Nicaragua is an extremely poor country w/ half the population living under the poverty line and yet i'm sure like 87% have a cell phone. explain that to me. when i ask about it, they tell me it's because land lines are more expensive. i think it's more of an image thing- so that they can seem like they have more money than they actually do. it was a chance that i'm sure the majority of tourists never get. she wasn't joking when she told me she was poor. this is the bathroom of the house:

quite an experience... we made a traditional nica food for lunch called baho. it has beef, plantains, onions, tomatoes, yuca, and is covered w/ plantain leaves before it is set to cook for hours over the fire. here's the finished product- quite tasty i might add, but i've yet to find a food here that i don't like:

here's the kicker. while we were chatting in the morning, noha told me that her 14 year old daughter was pregnant. so, i went with them as they talked to the boys family and the lawyer. and as awkward as it was since i'm not part of the family, it reminded me that we are all human beings, no matter what country we were born in and at the core, we feel, cry, and bleed at the same things. a hug and a supportive smile can transcend all sorts of language barriers. later in the evening, i got a ride around diriamba in a "motoneta", a popular taxi in small towns of nicaragua. have you ever been on "mr. toad's wild ride" at disneyland? well, it felt like that as we were cruising the cobblestone streets and zooming down hills... oh yes, and then we stopped at a street vendor to buy some cotton candy (algodon en spanish). who taught nicaraguans how to make cotton candy? then, i jumped behind the steering wheel. they wouldn't let me drive, but it made for a great picture.

for dinner, we had another great nica food- carne asada and then we went to the central park which is apparently the hotspot of town. i chatted w/a girl my age named marginee and was once again reminded that we are all essentially the same, no matter what cultural differences we have. we both have been called flirts by friends, have arguments w/ our parents, and want to get out and see the world we live in. i'm still amazed that i have enough spanish to carry on a real conversation. we headed back to the "house" and it was time for bed. i was put up in the room of noha and her husband, who selflessly gave it up for the comfort of me- their guest. i'm not quite sure where they slept, most likely cozied up with their two little ones on the other side of the particle board, where a chorus of "buenas noches" echoed before i finally drifted off to sleep, only to be woken by the crowing roosters outside, announcing the start of a new day.

"esta casa es triste, no?" noha asked me, "isn't this house sad?" i responded by telling her that it was lovely. the people in the states put so much emphasis on their things and their house is their pride and joy. and here, where the houses aren't all that much to look at, the value and character come from the people living inside of them. if i were only to look at the outward appearance of a house here, sure, it wouldn't seem to be much, but because of the people living inside, these are some of the sweetest homes i've ever been in.