a-dios nicaragua...

well, here i am. 48 hours before i leave this country and all that my time here has been. and just as it is near the end of any experience, it's bittersweet. on one hand, i am so excited to see my mom on monday and am looking forward so much to our fun adventure in costa rica, but at the same time, my heart is breaking in half thinking about leaving all these girls. as much as it feels like none of the girls will even notice my absence, i have to remind myself that's a lie i'm telling myself to discount my time here and any impact i might have had in the lives of the people down here. today, at least 5 girls have asked me when i'm leaving and the next question is always, when will you come back to see us? one girl told me that she doesn't want me to go (no quiero que te vayas...). even though it feels like i haven't "done much" with these girls in my time here, i am slowly starting to realize that just by being here and living with them for these almost three months is where my impact lies. it is the countless games of UNO, the conversations under the stars to pass time during power outages, and watching numerous Disney channel movies in Spanish (and let's just say that now i can sing all the songs from high school musical 2 sadly!). eating with the girls, taking some of them on my morning walks, and living with them. being there for the yelling, the tears, but also for the smiles, songs and laughs. these things might not seem much to anyone else, or even to me, but the relationships that i have established with the girls here are irreplaceable. they have taught me so much about teenage girls (and how tumultuous those years can truly be) and i have learned so much about what the absence or presence of love and affection can do in the life of a child. the lessons have been countless and i think i will be able to process them better once i get back to the states- as one friend told me, it's hard to get perspective on something while you're in it. and if nothing else, when i leave, i am sure that there will be no singing in the shower and no one will be jumping at the chance to make tortillas (those were my territory!)

i'm just praying that as i go back, i can see where God wants me to go next. where will i live and what will i do? vancouver, bellingham, somewhere completely different? work, classes, what? one thing is for sure- i have definitely been changed by my time here and i have no doubt that the people i love have also changed. i only hope we can understand each other and have the patience to hear about all the things that God has done in our physical absence.

this verse sticks out to me: "so please don't, out of old habit, slip back into being or doing what everyone else tells you. friends, stay where you were called to be. God is there. hold the high ground with him at your side." 1 corinthians 7:24 (message)

taking this trip was a challenge from day one- trying to figure out where to go and what to do, but more than that, realizing that it was ok to break the mold from what everyone else was doing or telling me to do. and now, at the end of it, i'm still alive and perhaps better off than where i started. i just hope that i can continue to walk completely in HIM, following where He is calling me, no matter what the world thinks about it. i am His disciple and because of that, I am called to leave all behind me, whatever that might look like.

one more thing before i sign out. ever notice that the word ADIOS (spanish for goodbye) sounds an awful lot like A DIOS (spanish for to God)? to me, that has some significance because it's almost as if we are acknowledging God's existence and power in our lives everytime we say goodbye. almost as if we are reminding ourselves and others that to Him and to Him alone be the glory today and always. or perhaps, that's just me and my over thinking things because i have way too much time on my hands down here. but anywho, i think it's something good to think about (whether you agree or not). and with that, i say goodbye.

adios nicaragua y nos vemos. gracias por todo.

me and luz, making our christmas cookies last week...