a rather unproductive procrastination...

deuteronomy 32:12-12

"He was like an eagle hovering over its nest,
overshadowing its young,
Then spreading its wings, lifting them into the air,
teaching them to fly.
God alone led him."

it is evident that God is the only one leading me right now as i never in a million years could have predicted where i would be today... He is teaching me everyday how to fly and spread my wings so that i might accomplish the plans He has for me and my life.

never would i have thought that i would be living back with my parents in vancouver, and yet here i , sitting at the kitchen table. never would i have thought i would have started at WWU and not finished there, and alas, here i am at PSU. never would i have thought that i would ever take a break from school, and yet when i did and travelled to nicaragua, my whole worldview shifted in a mighty way.

each and every day, i am just amazed to see the changes that are occuring in my life. sure there are the obvious changes, like the fact i moved back into my high school room and go grocery shopping with my mom on the weekends and am working two jobs (at roses and ole ole), but more than that, are the not so obvious changes and the ways that God is shaping me. the way my personality is changing and my priorities are being molded to be more like those of my heavenly Father.

why is it that we view change as such an awful thing and so desperately cling to that which is familiar and known to us? God can not stretch me and grow me into the woman He wants me to become if i am stuck in a place where i am comfortable and have no need for Him in my life. He stirred things up in my life and although there are times when i am so downtrodden with a weary soul, i know deep down in my soul that this is all for the best. He may have shut that door, but all I can do is have faith that He's going to open a bigger and better one for me.. He will bring an opportunity to my life where I can excel and serve Him even better with all the skills, talents and passions He has placed in me. i for one know that i didn't just wake up one and choose to have a passion for spanish and those who speak it...

Never thought I would enjoy being here, but as strange as it is to say it, i'm quite content with where God has me right now. putting aside a few minor details.

looking ahead... midterms are over. 5 more weeks in the quarter and then i'm one year closer to being done, whatever that actually means. 36 more days until i leave for camp tadmor. i am looking forward to that with all my heart. i just wish i felt more prepared. or maybe it's a good thing to go not feeling completely prepared b/c that forces me to rely on God and His strength alone. kind of nervous about doing lost dogs instead of counseling. looking for housing in portland for the fall and next year b/c i'm tired of spending two hours of each day with the most sketchy people in portland on the max and bus (even though it is good practice to eavesdrop on all the people speaking spanish and it also is a good time to see just how badly people are hurting today and how much they need the love of Jesus). am i really ready to live in an apartment on my own? kind of nervous about that too. and sad about living by myself. but it will work... wanting to go back to nicaragua so badly, but just waiting for His perfect timing.

oh yes. back to that research paper i'm so good at procrastinating on...